Piling On
Trust Michael Vick to take all the shine off Posh and Becks' W cover...
In arenas across the country, music is used as a way to fire up the home folks and poke fun at the visitors. In Michael Vick's case, it is nearly scripture that "Who Let The Dogs Out" will be played ad nauseam, ad infinitum.
This cannot be.
Thus, I have taken it upon myself to suggest songs that any stadium deejay can play when he finally gets sick of The Baha Men. They are, from number 10 to number 1:
10. Craven Choke Puppy, Bob Marley
9. Puppy Love, Paul Anka
8. Too Many Puppies, Primus
7. Big Dog Daddy, Toby Keith
6. Dirty Old Egg-Suckin' Dog, Johnny Cash
5. Dog Eat Dog, AC/DC
4. Hair Of The Dog, Nazareth
3. Black Dog, Led Zeppelin
2. Hound Dog, Elvis Presley
1. Atomic Dog, George Clinton
I look forward to your suggestions as well.
Boy, nothing like having a little insurance like Matt Schaub on your bench right about now, eh?
Oh, that's riiiight...back in April, right around the time Ookie and the Three Idiots were killing dogs in ways straight out of Eli Roth's Torture Porn For Dummies, the Falcons traded Schaub to Houston for...what, exactly? I don't recall, and I can't hear the answer over the belly-laughing coming from Houston...
Say this much for Joey Harrington: after leaving Detroit, he might have found in Atlanta the only place where his meager skills are not merely tolerated, but desired...
And that will be Joey Ballgame lining up under center with the first team on July 26, when the Falcons training camp opens, because the other guy will be wearing a suit in a federal courthouse on that same day...
It sez so right here that Falcons owner Arthur Blank was busy figuring out if he could get some of that bonus money he spent on Vick when he was shoved aside by a fed named RICO...
This just in from the Adding Insult To Injury Department: Al Sharpton (!!) has publicly denounced another black man.
That's right, he and Russell Simmons have written a letter condemning Vick's actions and demanding action from sponsors of the NFL.
That should tell anyone with a pulse how bad it really is for Michael Vick, because I'm pretty sure that I was watching Jeopardy! when I learned that Al Sharpton throwing another brotha under the bus was one of the signs of the Apocalypse...
(I'll take Rectal/Cranial Inversion for $200, Alex.)
(Name the year that Michael Vick was drafted number one overall into the National Football League.)
(2001.)
(Correct. Go!)
(Rectal/Cranial for $400, please.)
(Name the year that Michael Vick founded and funded Bad Newz Kennels.)
(2001.)
(Correct again. Make a selection.)
(I've gotta go with Rectal/Cranial Inversion for $600.)
(How unlikely is it that Michael Vick was never at the property in Surry County, Virginia?)
(About as unlikely as you not showing off your superior pronunciation of French, Alex.)
(Tre magnifique! Select again.)
(Rectal/Cranial for $800.)
(Where is Michael Vick's cousin, Davon Boddie, the idiot who lived in the house?)
(Playing solitaire with The Eraser and warming up his singing voice.)
(Right! And you look like you're about to run the category...?)
(I'll take Rectal/Cranial Inversion for $1000.)
(You've hit the Daily Double. How much would you like to wager?)
($137 million, Alex, the whole pile.)
(Alright, here's your question: how stupid would you have to be to forfeit millions of dollars in NFL paychecks and endorsement money for the sake of torturing and killing helpless animals?)
(Pretty f**king stupid, Alex.)
(That's correct, and you have control of the board.)
And I'm just getting warmed up...
In arenas across the country, music is used as a way to fire up the home folks and poke fun at the visitors. In Michael Vick's case, it is nearly scripture that "Who Let The Dogs Out" will be played ad nauseam, ad infinitum.
This cannot be.
Thus, I have taken it upon myself to suggest songs that any stadium deejay can play when he finally gets sick of The Baha Men. They are, from number 10 to number 1:
10. Craven Choke Puppy, Bob Marley
9. Puppy Love, Paul Anka
8. Too Many Puppies, Primus
7. Big Dog Daddy, Toby Keith
6. Dirty Old Egg-Suckin' Dog, Johnny Cash
5. Dog Eat Dog, AC/DC
4. Hair Of The Dog, Nazareth
3. Black Dog, Led Zeppelin
2. Hound Dog, Elvis Presley
1. Atomic Dog, George Clinton
I look forward to your suggestions as well.
Boy, nothing like having a little insurance like Matt Schaub on your bench right about now, eh?
Oh, that's riiiight...back in April, right around the time Ookie and the Three Idiots were killing dogs in ways straight out of Eli Roth's Torture Porn For Dummies, the Falcons traded Schaub to Houston for...what, exactly? I don't recall, and I can't hear the answer over the belly-laughing coming from Houston...
Say this much for Joey Harrington: after leaving Detroit, he might have found in Atlanta the only place where his meager skills are not merely tolerated, but desired...
And that will be Joey Ballgame lining up under center with the first team on July 26, when the Falcons training camp opens, because the other guy will be wearing a suit in a federal courthouse on that same day...
It sez so right here that Falcons owner Arthur Blank was busy figuring out if he could get some of that bonus money he spent on Vick when he was shoved aside by a fed named RICO...
This just in from the Adding Insult To Injury Department: Al Sharpton (!!) has publicly denounced another black man.
That's right, he and Russell Simmons have written a letter condemning Vick's actions and demanding action from sponsors of the NFL.
That should tell anyone with a pulse how bad it really is for Michael Vick, because I'm pretty sure that I was watching Jeopardy! when I learned that Al Sharpton throwing another brotha under the bus was one of the signs of the Apocalypse...
(I'll take Rectal/Cranial Inversion for $200, Alex.)
(Name the year that Michael Vick was drafted number one overall into the National Football League.)
(2001.)
(Correct. Go!)
(Rectal/Cranial for $400, please.)
(Name the year that Michael Vick founded and funded Bad Newz Kennels.)
(2001.)
(Correct again. Make a selection.)
(I've gotta go with Rectal/Cranial Inversion for $600.)
(How unlikely is it that Michael Vick was never at the property in Surry County, Virginia?)
(About as unlikely as you not showing off your superior pronunciation of French, Alex.)
(Tre magnifique! Select again.)
(Rectal/Cranial for $800.)
(Where is Michael Vick's cousin, Davon Boddie, the idiot who lived in the house?)
(Playing solitaire with The Eraser and warming up his singing voice.)
(Right! And you look like you're about to run the category...?)
(I'll take Rectal/Cranial Inversion for $1000.)
(You've hit the Daily Double. How much would you like to wager?)
($137 million, Alex, the whole pile.)
(Alright, here's your question: how stupid would you have to be to forfeit millions of dollars in NFL paychecks and endorsement money for the sake of torturing and killing helpless animals?)
(Pretty f**king stupid, Alex.)
(That's correct, and you have control of the board.)
And I'm just getting warmed up...
Labels: Bad Newz Kennels, dog-fighting, federal indictment, Michael Vick, NFL
posted by van walker | 12:52 PM
1 Comments:
The thing that continues to astound me (even though it's still pretty early in this thing) is how certain networks located in Bristol are discussing what it's gonna be like when he plays at certain stadiums.
Plays!? Are you kidding me?
The strangest un-related rumor mill going on related to this?
Here in Jacksonville, where Byron Leftwich is quickly losing popular support, people had been clamouring that we could try to get Daunte Culpepper (like that would be any better?)
Now everyone's worried Atlanta will go after him and we'll miss our chance on the kneeless wonder.
Post a Comment
<< Home