The Chair-Armed Quarterback

Because I'm right, dammit, and it's cheaper than either booze or therapy.

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Location: Daejeon, Korea, by way of Detroit

Just your average six-foot-eight carbon-based life form

Monday, August 20, 2007

Vick's Cloudy Future

So there I am, reading Sports Illustrated online, when I run into yet another Michael Vick article that misses the point entirely.

This one, by George Dohrmann, tries to complete the Shylock’s Bargain that is Vick’s current situation: figure out some way to get Vick back onto a football field anytime in the future.

One will sooner cut a pound of flesh from his own body without spilling a drop of blood before that happens.

The amazingly large point that Dohrmann and others are missing is this: Michael Vick is simply not a good quarterback.

No one doubts his amazing array of physical gifts. That has never been in question. What we have yet to see from the NFL’s most highly paid soon-to-be convict is consistency with those gifts. It is not merely enough that Vick can throw a football into the teeth of a gale force wind and through a steel filing cabinet…across his body…but can he go through his reads and hit the open man?

History says that he’s a worse passer than Joey Harrington. That by itself should get him cut, because Harrington has never been anything but abysmal for his entire career.

And that is how we must judge Vick: as a quarterback. Not as a freak of nature athlete, but as a quarterback. As a quarterback, Vick couldn’t lead a hungry offensive lineman to the buffet. (This, by the way, is why we should never consider the number of Pro Bowls attended when considering someone’s Hall of Fame credentials, because the Pro Bowl vote is not based on merit, but on popularity. The fact that Vick has been elected three (!!) times in his career speaks largely to his highlight-reel popularity and not to his ability to lead his team any further than the, er, doghouse…)

As a quarterback, Vick has never managed the game well. He has never out-thought his opponents, the way a Donovan McNabb or a Warren Moon did. He has never learned the judicious use of his legs, the way a Steve Young or a Roger Staubach did. He has never taken a strong arm and learned deftness of touch, the way a Brett Favre or even a Randall Cunningham did. And in the crunch, when it’s time to get dressed in a phone booth, he has never been larger than the moment, the way a Joe Montana, a John Elway, or a Tom Brady was.

Dorhmann, like so many others recently, doesn’t even address Vick’s obvious failings at QB, choosing rather to focus on the murkiness of Vick’s future. He tosses Kobe Bryant’s name into the mix, and rather unfairly, because Bryant was never convicted of rape in a court of law or in the court of public opinion. We just never thought Bryant was guilty of being anything more than a cad who would cheat on his wife. Dohrmann also runs Leonard Little back up the flagpole, and rather unfairly, because Little did his time and the law says he owes nothing more. If Dohrmann’s sense of justice is not satisfied by the outcome, he should talk to his local congressman to see about getting the law changed, but whining about Little’s penalty after the fact isn’t going to bring that poor woman back, nor will throwing Little into an oubliette to serve more time.

Dohrmann gives us these examples as though they have anything to do with Vick and his situation. “Fans will take it all in and decide that Michael Vick deserves to play again…” He couldn’t be more wrong. Fans took in all of the Rae Carruth fiasco, too. If Carruth gets paroled tomorrow, runs a 3.9 40, vertically leaps 55 inches, and catches everything from a JUGS gun blindfolded, no GM this side of hell signs him to as much as the practice squad because 1) Carruth is nuclear waste and 2) nobody DESERVES to play professional football.

No matter what Dohrmann may think, Vick doesn’t DESERVE to play football. Playing in the NFL is a privilege, and not a right. And as much as Vick has become nuclear waste like Carruth, the truth is that he just wasn’t cutting it as a quarterback.

Let Vick plead out. Let him do a year at Club Fed. The problem for him is this: he’d likely be suspended by the league for at least a year after his prison stint…but to be suspended, he’d have to be under contract to an NFL team.

After all this, what team is willing to take the public relations hit to gamble on a career 53% passer who won’t play a down for them until 2010 at the earliest?

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