The Chair-Armed Quarterback

Because I'm right, dammit, and it's cheaper than either booze or therapy.

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Location: Daejeon, Korea, by way of Detroit

Just your average six-foot-eight carbon-based life form

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Quick Slants - Week 1

So, what do we know after the first full week of football in '07?

We suspect that the NFC is the junior conference, but it would be a bit premature to make that judgment based on the weekend's action as Peter King of Sports Illustrated does here.

I respect Peter King's football wisdom, but I also think that certain results might have been different had the teams played in a different venue...particularly San Diego and Chicago. Had that game been played in Chicago and not San Diego, the Bears would likely have won, and even King admits "(f)or 44 minutes, the Bears beat the living tar out of the Tomlinsons."

Change the location of that game, and the NFC/AFC score stands at 2-2, and not 1-3 (with the lone NFC victory coming over the Miami Fish Guts).

Having said that, it would not have mattered where Indianapolis played New Orleans, because they really were that much better.

Speaking of obvious, new team, new year, same old Joey Harrington...

...and I'll hear nothing about those interceptions returned for touchdowns being someone else's fault, because those kind of things just don't seem to happen to Peyton Manning, or Tom Brady...(or any number of other competent QBs).

Right about now, Chester Taylor is really hoping that his hip gets a lot better in a hurry, because he's about to get Wally Pipp'ed by rookie Adrian Peterson...

...and speaking of backs named Adrian Peterson, Cedric Benson needs to butch the hell up and run like a starting running back or he will be backing up the next man again.

If I'm being honest, most people like myself tend to make too much of early season victories and losses, no matter how impressive. Thus, I would offer the following games for discounts:

1. Don't take too much from San Diego's victory over Chicago. Both defenses were savaging both offenses, and both offenses are better than they showed on Sunday. Believe me, that NFC North schedule is all the balm the Bears need to get right.

2. Don't take too much from Seattle beating Tampa Bay. Tampa Bay was a classic example of a road dog, and Seattle got enough from Shaun Alexander to keep the Bucs from making it a game.

3. And will everyone hyperventilating over Pittsburgh's victory over Cleveland please sit down and shut up? The Browns are a football team in name only. Their defense is practically nonexistent, and Charlie Frye and Derek Anderson are trivia question answers. The only reason that Brady Quinn won't start right away is because GM Phil Savage wants to keep his job past this season, and that won't happen if Quinn gets thrown to the wolves against the likes of Cincinnati, Baltimore, and New England before the bye week. Ben Roethlisberger had four TD passes against the Cleveland Toe-tags, where Manning or Brady might have had 20.

That San Francisco/Arizona tilt almost didn't go according to script; the Cardinals showed a lot more fight than most would have given them credit for. That said, for a team searching for an identity after decades of losing, this kind of loss hurts worse than getting kicked in the man region, because it's like it doesn't matter how hard they play, they still end up taking in in the right hand column.

On the other hand, give some credit to the Niners. They could have folded in this game, but they didn't. They'll take some confidence from this one and move forward.

But I'll tell you who isn't moving forward: Philadelphia. The Packers should never have been in that game, to say nothing of actually winning. Allegedly, Philadelphia had distinct advantages over the Pack at QB, RB, WR, and DEF. In truth, the Packers had the only advantage that counted: they showed up and played.

And I have long defended Donovan McNabb, but if this is the kind of performance we can get used to seeing from him, if injury has robbed him of that much of his ability to lead his team, the Kevin Kolb era can't get started soon enough.

Bravo, Houston. Kansas City really is not as bad as you made them look. They will rebound and win some games, once they get their sea legs under them, but you went into a hostile situation and told the Arrowhead faithful to mind their own business while you dismantled their team. These Texans are for real.

And good for you, Mario Williams. The game you played against KC was nothing less than dominant. Meanwhile, Reggie Bush is starting to look like the expensive hood ornament that I thought he'd be coming out of college; the guy is Raghib Ismail all over again, lightning fast but with no true position.

Speaking of the state of Texas, wasn't Dallas' defense supposed to be better than this? Nothing wrong with that O, though...

Lock Of The Century: I am in a Survivor Football League, where you live or die based on picking one game. As long as Cleveland and Atlanta are in the league and on the road for half of their games, I can't possibly lose.

So, uh, did Antwaan Randle-El and Santana Moss have a Freaky Friday and switch bodies while no one was looking? Because five catches for 162 yards is a stat line one would normally attribute to ol' feast or famine Moss and not free agent bust Randle-El, but there the former Hoosier was, putting up real numbers in a real football game.

Of course, it could just be a simple case of blind squirrels and random acorns...

Evidence of a team: Tennessee beat Jacksonville with a fairly mortal Vince Young. That's impressive, because I had assumed that Young had to get dressed in a phone booth every Sunday for the Titans to have a chance. If they are going continue to get dominant rushing performances from Chris Brown and LenWhale White, and Young can play up to his ability, this team could be better than advertised.

And, oh, won't I just have fun slapping Bill Bryan around for his Week 1 picks...heh heh heh...

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