Quick Slants - Week 2
Derek Anderson?
Left for dead after the weekend: New Orleans, St. Louis, Buffalo, New York Giants, Atlanta, Miami, Oakland, Kansas City, New York Jets, and Philadelphia.
Only the 1993 Cowboys (Emmitt Smith holdout) and the 2001 Patriots (Tom Brady replaces an obviously concussed Drew Bledsoe) started a season 0-2 and won a Super Bowl, and of the previous list of losers, only the Saints could turn things around with 14 games left on the schedule.
That said, you just can’t lose to Tampa Bay and expect to be considered a contender.
Derek Anderson?
Early surprises at 2-0 include Green Bay, Detroit, Houston, and San Francisco…however, full disclosure demands that I dispense with my customary modesty and state plainly that I expected big things from both Houston and San Francisco (it sez so right here), so count me among the not-so-surprised.
And as far as Green Bay and Detroit go, I’ll be more impressed with them when I see them against the varsity. The Houston Texans beat Carolina at Carolina (thanks for the globe, Bill…jerk…), and that counts as impressive any way you slice it. Detroit has beaten Oakland and Minnesota, and one would be hard pressed to make up one good team out of the two of them. As for Green Bay, their victories over the corpses in Philly and New York (NFC) ought to count as forfeits.
Derek Anderson?
The way the Bears play, their offense ought to be considered special teams, because they basically stay on the field long enough to give Devin Hester and the defense a breather.
Speaking of which…
Memo to the NFL: DO NOT KICK THE BALL TO DEVIN HESTER. Unless your coverage team includes Pietro Maximoff and Barry Allen (comic book references!), you will NOT catch him. The two fastest guys I’d ever seen on a football field were Deion Sanders and Michael Vick, and Hester is easily in that class of speed burner, period.
And not to gush, but how many times have we watched a game and seen the kick returner dance around indecisively or, worse, make the wrong cut when the right one seemed so obvious to those of us not being chased by ten angry men at full speed? When Hester makes his cut, he makes it once, and always for wherever there’s nothing between him and the end zone but air and opportunity.
And if you’re Herm Edwards, and Hester has been running sprints past your defense all afternoon, you are guilty of being under the influence of Belichick-ian arrogance or weapons-grade stupid for kicking the ball anywhere in Hester’s zip code.
Derek Anderson?
Yes, faithful reader, I do seem to be backpedaling a bit on some teams…but don’t get it twisted; Tampa Bay only won last weekend because the Trousers of Time got twisted and an alternate reality manifested itself on our plane of existence…and we’re just lucky it was the one where they won, because there was another one where they were moving to score a touchdown when everyone in the stadium turned into werewolves and the Lycanthrope Holocaust began…
You know that I’ve been giving Houston all sorts of man-love this season. Now we’ll see what kind of team they have, because all-stud WR Andre Johnson has a sprained knee. I like the Texans to rise up above this and not tank like the Panthers do when their best receiver inevitably breaks something.
And there ain’t anything wrong with Dallas. Yes, they haven’t beaten anyone of note. Yes, their defense remains somewhat suspect. But this is a team that has scored 82 points in their first two games, and all of it at will. Yes, New England and Indianapolis look strong early, but if the Cowboys can get anything going defensively, they might make real trouble. (And if I say “Yes” again, I win the Marv Albert Memorial Cliché Trophy! YES!)
Just a thought: free agent defensive tackle Tank Johnson will become eligible after Week 8…and he and the Cowboys have been seen passing notes to each other during Study Hall…I wonder how much of an effect he might have in the middle of a playoff run for what looks like a surefire contender in the NFC?
Derek Anderson?
Sometimes, I’m so good it’s scary…remember me saying something about Jay Cutler providing a lot of excitement last weekend, and some of it unintended? I know of a Bronco fan who will publicly remind everyone that The Ol’ Horsetoothed Used Car Salesman His Own Self was capable of making the same stupid play in the fourth quarter that Cutler made…and that it was only when Elway got really old that he stopped shooting himself in his pigeon-toed feet.
Yes, Denver won, and yes (thanks, Marv), they are 2-0. But Bronco fans had better watch their games with some Pepto Bismol handy…
You are Mike Holmgren, grand poobah of all things football in Seattle. You have a very good quarterback in place, a decent-to-good defense, and a franchise running back in place. You even took this team to the Super Bowl recently. But it sez so right here that you can’t lose to Arizona early, not this season, not ever, and expect to contend.
I’ll call it the Curse of the Cardinals: any team that loses to the Cardinals in the first two games of the season will not win that season’s championship, period. And yes (thanks, Marv), you can look it up.
Derek Anderson?
Okay, okay, I’ll finally talk about it.
It’s Saturday, and you tell Cincinnati head coach Marvin Lewis that his Bengals will hang 45 on Cleveland. If it’s live t.v., or if there’s a reporter within a hundred miles of that conversation, he denies it vigorously and says all the right things about respecting an opponent and yada yada yada.
If we had a camera in his heart, he’d be smirking, “45? ONLY 45? Yeah, I could see that…if I called the dogs off in the third quarter…”
It’s Tuesday. The Bengals hung 45 on Cleveland and LOST. And you want to know what has been repeating through ol’ Marv’s muddled head for the last 48 hours?
Derek Anderson?
Derek By-God Anderson?
That's why we love the NFL: blind squirrels and random acorns...
…and I’m OUT like Donovan McNabb in about two weeks…
Yes!
Left for dead after the weekend: New Orleans, St. Louis, Buffalo, New York Giants, Atlanta, Miami, Oakland, Kansas City, New York Jets, and Philadelphia.
Only the 1993 Cowboys (Emmitt Smith holdout) and the 2001 Patriots (Tom Brady replaces an obviously concussed Drew Bledsoe) started a season 0-2 and won a Super Bowl, and of the previous list of losers, only the Saints could turn things around with 14 games left on the schedule.
That said, you just can’t lose to Tampa Bay and expect to be considered a contender.
Derek Anderson?
Early surprises at 2-0 include Green Bay, Detroit, Houston, and San Francisco…however, full disclosure demands that I dispense with my customary modesty and state plainly that I expected big things from both Houston and San Francisco (it sez so right here), so count me among the not-so-surprised.
And as far as Green Bay and Detroit go, I’ll be more impressed with them when I see them against the varsity. The Houston Texans beat Carolina at Carolina (thanks for the globe, Bill…jerk…), and that counts as impressive any way you slice it. Detroit has beaten Oakland and Minnesota, and one would be hard pressed to make up one good team out of the two of them. As for Green Bay, their victories over the corpses in Philly and New York (NFC) ought to count as forfeits.
Derek Anderson?
The way the Bears play, their offense ought to be considered special teams, because they basically stay on the field long enough to give Devin Hester and the defense a breather.
Speaking of which…
Memo to the NFL: DO NOT KICK THE BALL TO DEVIN HESTER. Unless your coverage team includes Pietro Maximoff and Barry Allen (comic book references!), you will NOT catch him. The two fastest guys I’d ever seen on a football field were Deion Sanders and Michael Vick, and Hester is easily in that class of speed burner, period.
And not to gush, but how many times have we watched a game and seen the kick returner dance around indecisively or, worse, make the wrong cut when the right one seemed so obvious to those of us not being chased by ten angry men at full speed? When Hester makes his cut, he makes it once, and always for wherever there’s nothing between him and the end zone but air and opportunity.
And if you’re Herm Edwards, and Hester has been running sprints past your defense all afternoon, you are guilty of being under the influence of Belichick-ian arrogance or weapons-grade stupid for kicking the ball anywhere in Hester’s zip code.
Derek Anderson?
Yes, faithful reader, I do seem to be backpedaling a bit on some teams…but don’t get it twisted; Tampa Bay only won last weekend because the Trousers of Time got twisted and an alternate reality manifested itself on our plane of existence…and we’re just lucky it was the one where they won, because there was another one where they were moving to score a touchdown when everyone in the stadium turned into werewolves and the Lycanthrope Holocaust began…
You know that I’ve been giving Houston all sorts of man-love this season. Now we’ll see what kind of team they have, because all-stud WR Andre Johnson has a sprained knee. I like the Texans to rise up above this and not tank like the Panthers do when their best receiver inevitably breaks something.
And there ain’t anything wrong with Dallas. Yes, they haven’t beaten anyone of note. Yes, their defense remains somewhat suspect. But this is a team that has scored 82 points in their first two games, and all of it at will. Yes, New England and Indianapolis look strong early, but if the Cowboys can get anything going defensively, they might make real trouble. (And if I say “Yes” again, I win the Marv Albert Memorial Cliché Trophy! YES!)
Just a thought: free agent defensive tackle Tank Johnson will become eligible after Week 8…and he and the Cowboys have been seen passing notes to each other during Study Hall…I wonder how much of an effect he might have in the middle of a playoff run for what looks like a surefire contender in the NFC?
Derek Anderson?
Sometimes, I’m so good it’s scary…remember me saying something about Jay Cutler providing a lot of excitement last weekend, and some of it unintended? I know of a Bronco fan who will publicly remind everyone that The Ol’ Horsetoothed Used Car Salesman His Own Self was capable of making the same stupid play in the fourth quarter that Cutler made…and that it was only when Elway got really old that he stopped shooting himself in his pigeon-toed feet.
Yes, Denver won, and yes (thanks, Marv), they are 2-0. But Bronco fans had better watch their games with some Pepto Bismol handy…
You are Mike Holmgren, grand poobah of all things football in Seattle. You have a very good quarterback in place, a decent-to-good defense, and a franchise running back in place. You even took this team to the Super Bowl recently. But it sez so right here that you can’t lose to Arizona early, not this season, not ever, and expect to contend.
I’ll call it the Curse of the Cardinals: any team that loses to the Cardinals in the first two games of the season will not win that season’s championship, period. And yes (thanks, Marv), you can look it up.
Derek Anderson?
Okay, okay, I’ll finally talk about it.
It’s Saturday, and you tell Cincinnati head coach Marvin Lewis that his Bengals will hang 45 on Cleveland. If it’s live t.v., or if there’s a reporter within a hundred miles of that conversation, he denies it vigorously and says all the right things about respecting an opponent and yada yada yada.
If we had a camera in his heart, he’d be smirking, “45? ONLY 45? Yeah, I could see that…if I called the dogs off in the third quarter…”
It’s Tuesday. The Bengals hung 45 on Cleveland and LOST. And you want to know what has been repeating through ol’ Marv’s muddled head for the last 48 hours?
Derek Anderson?
Derek By-God Anderson?
That's why we love the NFL: blind squirrels and random acorns...
…and I’m OUT like Donovan McNabb in about two weeks…
Yes!
Labels: Bill Bryan, NFL
posted by van walker | 10:49 AM
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