Playoff Prognostications - The Championship Round

A columnist for the Fort Worth Star Telegram once said of the Dallas Mavericks during their early 90’s nadir that you could go to Reunion Arena for any home game and sit in any section and hear somebody say, “What the hell was that?”

Van: I laughed my butt off when I read that. Gotta love sportswriters...nobody, and I mean NOBODY comes up with better snaps than sportswriters do.

All over football nation this past weekend, during those baffling fourth quarters where somehow the deservedly maligned Chargers and Giants both managed not to lose games, the cry went up in unison.

What the hell was that?

I am not surprised at the Colts or Cowboys, both very good teams with enough history of giving it up that nothing was inconceivable (inconceivable!), but I am surprised at the Bolts and G-Men, both of whom I can throw roughly as far as I trust them.

Weird thing was, I had already moved on. Chalk, chalk, chalk, and go drink until I can cash my tickets and roll to the place in the Forum shops that serves margaritas in giant footballs. Y’all feel me.

That’s right. I have spent the last week trying to figure out who would win the Ivy League basketball crown this year. Before you say Penn, check this out. After considerable research, I know only that this year’s Ivy League rep will pull no better than a 15 seed, will be at least a 25 point dog and will not cover.

Since we still have obligations to meet here, let us dispense with the obvious.

AFC Championship
San Diego at New England
Bill’s Pick: New England
Van’s Pick: New England
While it should be cold in beautiful downtown Foxboro, it will not rain, it will not snow and there will be only a mild breeze. What this means is that we have removed most reasonable impediments to the Patriots scoring 50 points.

Will they?

I doubt it. I have nothing to go on here except history. There are very few conference final blowouts. After the performances of Michael Turner and Billy Volek, have we all perhaps underestimated the dynamic duo of Norv Turner and A.J. Smith? These two are like Frederick, Leo Leonni’s immortal mouse who appears to be doing nothing while his buddies are collecting food for winter. Then when all the food runs out he sustains them with the warmth and colors he was collecting while everybody else was working. Maybe Turner and Smith were busy investing energy and resources in their bench, effort invisible until a time of crisis. Yeah, me neither. But something we do not understand is going on there, because a month ago we could all sleep soundly knowing that the idiots were running the asylum in San Diego, and now the idiots are the final sacrificial lamb left available in the AFC.

By the way, I would like to go on record as believing Randy Moss. I am not in any way saying that this is a good human being, an example to which I want my boys to aspire, but the timing of the accusation should be admissible evidence of extortion.

Van: When the defendant is silent for a long time, or says something about “waiting to sort out all the facts” or some other such lawyer-ese, he’s guilty as sin (see Clemens, Roger). When, as in this case, the defendant’s lawyers have already gone public very loudly, especially after Moss’ unscripted comments on the situation were broadcast, it looks like Moss is the one with nothing to hide.
Igor Olshansky, what the hell was that?

26-28. What the hell was that?

Igor, meet Tom. Tom, Igor. Igor, meet Anthony Smith. Ask him how that whole talking thing went for him.

Theoretically, the Chargers match up very well with the Pats. They have big, physical corners who both cover and take measured chances. I have no idea who covers Wes Welker, so see if he blows up, but Randy Moss may struggle here. It may have escaped everyone’s attention in the Fall of Love, but Moss prefers not to be touched, much less jammed.

Van: Here’s your dark horse, stat boy: Laurence Maroney. Check out his recent rushing totals. As you pointed out, the Chargers will be ready to jam receivers and bring the rain to Tom Brady. Don’t think that the Belicheat ain’t already there with a nice little play-action package that gets Maroney in the game early and takes some of the edge off that pass rush. And, as far as Moss goes, remember: all he has to do is get behind someone once. After that, the Chargers corners will be standing on the goal line before they let him burn them again. It sez so right here that Laurence Maroney is the MVP of this game.

The Chargers have the personnel to pressure Brady without blitzing, which is good since the blitzee gets over on that. Offensively, the Chargers run the ball, period. The best thing that could happen for them here is that Ryan Leaf, erm, Phillip Rivers is unable to go. And I realize this is heresy, and I am not saying that LaDainian Tomlinson is not the best running back of our generation, but if you had to sign only one running back for the next three years, given LT’s odometer, wouldn’t you consider making Michael Turner be your one?

Van: In the 88 year history of the NFL, only 27 players have more than 2,000 carries for a career. Only 6 have more than 3,000. Only Emmitt Smith has more than 4,000. Your boy LT is one of those with 2,000 carries. Just sayin'...

Belichick has them ready to play, and papa has a brand new bag of toys. You see at least three looks out of the Patriots this game that you have not seen all year, Norv and the rest of the Idiots struggle to adjust, the Patriots move to 18-0.